The passing of a loved one can be a shock. Along with the grieving, it can raise questions for us about our own lives. Are we spending our time in a way that reflects our most heartfelt priorities? Is there unfinished business that requires our attention? Are there things we could do now that would lessen the load on our loved ones when our time comes, whether that be soon or some time in the future?
I recently learned that a dear friend of many years had passed away unexpectedly. As I grieved and tried to process the loss of someone who was very important to me, I found that remembering her special qualities and the high points of our friendship helped me.
Just as savouring the happy memories in one’s own life can help to lift our mood and get us through more challenging times, actively remembering, writing and sharing memories of good times with a loved one can assist with the grieving process, as you honour them and appreciate what they meant to you.
My friend Ellen was English, and also lived in Australia and Canada. One of her adventures was travelling by bus from Winnipeg to San Diego, and visiting the San Diego Zoo. That is a distance of 3,256 kilometres or 2,023 miles! Another adventure we shared was a trip across western Canada with my cousin in his vintage white Cadillac, camping along the way. Ellen loved it! Savouring those memories of her brought to the fore times when she was living life to the fullest. My hope is that sharing those memories with her family also helped them process her loss.
Often, loss or the prospect of it can bring up a variety of emotions. It may draw our attention to the essential, to what really matters to us.
The Top Five Regrets of the Dying was first a blog, then a book by Australian writer Bronnie Ware inspired by her work caring for people at the end of their lives. The most common regret expressed was: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Does this resonate with you?
Are there things you would like to do, large or small, that would make you feel more fulfilled and on purpose?
Where we focus our attention is critical. If there are things you want to be sure to do, is it a good time to make that life priority list and start planning how you will make the first priority happen? Do you have long-term goals for study, work, travel or your health? Or are there shorter-term objectives that require some focus and planning to come to fruition?
Many people find that the loss of someone important prompts them to think about their own arrangements. Often, these require some reflection and organization. Have you asked one or more people to act as your executor or to make decisions about your health in the event you were unable to do so? Do you have a notarized will and a signed health proxy form that reflect your up-to-date wishes? Is the information that your executor/s will require easily accessible to them, including passwords? Although we may resist thinking about these contingencies, a bit of forethought can greatly alleviate the uncertainty and burden on those we will rely upon to carry out our final wishes, and give us some peace of mind as well.
While not a lawyer, I have some personal experience and lessons learned about estate matters that may be of assistance in making decisions, overcoming blocks, breaking the planning or tasks into manageable stages, and moving forward. I know that a time of loss or reflection can be difficult, and my desire is to serve and to lighten the load.
If you are feeling called to focus more on something that is on your life priority list, or you want to tackle some unfinished business for which you would like some structured support from a certified coach, feel free to call me at 613-552-7909 or email me at info@naturexpansion.com.
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